QUICKIE

Once upon a time there was a fat cat that could only speak three languages: Japanese, Ancient Egyptian, and Cantonese. He only ate at restaurants where others could speak any one of these languages, so he ate alot of chinese food and sushi. He wondered what egyptian food tasted like--nobody else in the world who served food spone ancient egyptian. So, he decided to charter the services of a time machine and went back to the year 2000 B.C. There, the fat cat approached the pharaoh's cook and demanded food. The cook, highly superstitious, ordered all of the cooks working under him to make all kinds of delicious food for this cat, guardian of the underworld, eater of fine foods. The cat ate so much egyptian food that he gained five pounds--this would not do, because back home, he had a wife who would only love him if he were exactly fifty two pounds and three ounces. He demanded that the cook find a personal trainer so that the cat could work his weight back down to the correct size. There were no personal trainers, so the fat cat had to go back home and find one. He had spent the last of his money on renting the time machine, so he would have to find a personal trainer that would help him despite his finance troubles. After searching Italy for a month, he encountered a man named Chuck Norris who agreed to take pity on the cat's plight and work him back down to his previous size.

Finally, after two long months, the fat cat was exactly fifty two pounds and three ounces. He said Sayonara to Chuck Norris and went back home to his wife. Yet when he came home, she said she was leaving because she had found another cat to love her like he did not all this long time. He tried to plead his case to her, but seeing as she didn't understand either Japanese, Ancient Egyptian, or Cantonese, it was useless. She left with everything they owned.