There was a chicken who ate all it could--it ate mainly Harry Potter books and Edgar Allen Poe poems because it was pro like that. His name was Sam.I.Am, as opposed to Will.I.Am, whom he considered a golden cheetoh.
Sam once crossed the interstate bypass route and was promptly run over by Chuck Norris in a SmartCar. It was the once instance where a SmartCar crash 1)did not destroy the SmartCar and 2)did not kill the driver. Chuck Norris jumped out of the vehicle and wept over the bloody and horribly mangled body for five minutes--when he punched it with the fist hiding underneath his beard. He then round-house kicked the body halfway to Timbuktu, where starving rodents ate its remains.
A mouse who happened to eat this carcass suddenly gained awesome Chuck Norris powers, grew larger and more anthropomorphic with washboard abs, and began riding motorcycles and looking cool for a living. It beat up Stephenie Meyer for no reason at all (other than the idea that it was a horrible author and should not be allowed a computer to type on, more or less pen and paper, but then again, this was an idea, a mere passing thought, a notion, rather than a stewed belief it had harbored for years). And then it died after shaking hands with Bo Burnham. The End.